Pages

Friday, December 30, 2011

How do you deal with a disrespectful child?

Something to share with parent out there..


1. Constant Follow Through

Punishment is WORK, a LOT of work. If you put them in time out (when they are little) and they get up, you MUST put them back, put them back, put them back, again and again. It is usually a battle of wills and if you allow them to take the upper hand, you've lost the battle and the war. If you take something away, you Must stick to it, Idle threats are a parents biggest mistake. If you say something will happen to them or they will lose something if their behavior does not changes you HAVE TO Stick to that threat. Follow Through is KEY, even with teenagers. STOP talking to kids when she is rude, don't speak a word to her, except in response to general hello, etc, very short and curt. don't do laundry and do not discuss daily day to day things. Then CALMLY explain to her that you will NOT tolerate her disrespecting you, you will NOT tolerate being spoken to like her friends, you will NOT allow rude thoughtless behavior and if she wants you to respect ANYTHING About her life/lifestyle, things, clothes, food, than she better respect you. Respect is Earned, just like trust and if she wants you to be respectful and speak to her with love and interest, you Demand that from her. 

2. Take Away Privileges

Take all privileges away. Period. My sons want to be jerks, then I am a bitch. At 14 and 17, they KNOW that if they are disrespectful, they will be treated with just as much disrespect as they treat me with. If that means that I am mean, then I am mean. When they were little, a respectful attitude was instilled in them, and they never had a problem. A pop on the butt, or simply counting to 5 usually ended any disrespectful behavior. As they get older, and pushier, I deal on their level. I will say this, though. Even in my oldest's son's most disrespectful outburst, he will deal with any other person than a family member with the utmost respect. So my battle is 1/2 over..."

3. Put Their Toys on Timeout

"When my kid is disrespectful I give him a warning then put his favorite toy on time out until he can apologize and 'turn things around.' He can have his toy back when he is respectful for a predetermined amount of time - like until dinner is over. He earns his toy back through respect. We started putting his toys on time-out because he doesn't take time out seriously if he's already being disrespectful. It is too easy for him to get up and make a 'game of it.' He always takes his favorite toy being on time out seriously. That way we hold the power - which is important for us when trying to turn his behavior around."     - Lisa Erickson

4. Use Different Methods For Different Ages

"Everyone has their own way of dealing with children that are disrespectful...It also depends on the age of the child...The older child take away their privileges like cell phones and computers, going out with friends, etc...The younger child take away what they like the most...You need to get a firm hand on the situtation...Let them know that you are the parent and deserve their respect, but remember too they deserve yours..."

5. Stay Calm

"My 11 year old son was rather disrespectful the other day to my husband so we sat him down as a team (more impact) and told him in a calm voice that his behavior wouldn't be tolerated and that being rude has social consequences. We asked questions like "how do you think that made dad feel when you said that" and "what do you think a teacher would if you talked that way to them.. or a police officer?" You could see he was thinking... but I will tell you what- I have gotten mad and yelled in the past and it always caused more conflict and fit throwing and whining, yelling.. but staying calm sort of gave him the impression that we were in control, and that he couldn't intimidate us with his disrespectful comments. It was great. Staying cool is definately the answer, but be firm too. He has been grounded from TV, video games and computer (because he would supplement one for loss of another) for 3 days, and I think he learned a lesson.... I HOPE! Good luck :)"





 P/S: How do I start doing time out for my kids when they have cousins around everyday. I think I will ended up in time out myself..

No comments:

Post a Comment